Civil society is a many-wondered thing. I was at the bookstore last night, enjoying a few quite moments and a much needed mental health break in preparation for the next three days, as the Darling Husband is going to be out-of-town. I claimed a comfy chair to read for awhile and watched as an interesting exchange took place.
There are subtle rules for bookstores, apparently. They look a lot like library rules. At the table where I was sitting, there were 4 chairs. Each was occupied and vacated periodically over the course of the evening. We all utilized the same technique as we approached and inquired if an empty chair was available. A quick, hushed question with whoever made eye contact. A quick, hushed response back–something along the lines of, “I think it’s available, there was a lady sitting there a minute ago, but she left.” The new person sits quietly, settles quickly, and our foursome resumes our independent survey of magazines or books. No chatting, a cell phone that rang was silenced (okay, admittedly, these were ideal circumstances).
It made me think about all those other social rules, some of which we depend on quite a bit to maintain order in our society. As grownups, we stand in lines and don’t cut–at the bank, grocery store, and even the bathroom (or endure public censure, usually led by me). (Men–you will have no idea what I am talking about on that bathroom example–just pretend). I mean, even people who say they don’t trust anyone obviously do. Or, they’d never eat food out (I used to work fast food as a teenager–trust me, you don’t want to know what could happen back there in the kitchen). Or drive–we place an incredible amount of trust that people will obey not only social courtesy, but also that they will obey the law (most of the time). You gotta hope the person coming at you at 65 feels the same way you do about staying on their side of the road…
Clearly, when things are working correctly, order rules. I think that’s why I am so offended when those unwritten rules AREN’T followed…more on this in Part 2–the bad and the ugly.
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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Not everyone follows those rules.
Especially people from some Asian countries. Carrie had someone cut in front of her yesterday. No eye contact, just jump in. I guess that’s common in foreign countries.
Your ‘rules’ must be the American version? Maybe just the Gentleman / Gentlewoman version?
So true – and amazing how very small children pick up on these rules so quickly (or NOT regarding the case of tantrums at our house) ;))
Jason, hmmmm. That’s an interesting thought. When I lived overseas, there was considerable public outcry if someone tried to cut in line. I wish I knew more about sociology and crowds. I imagine there are some subtle social rules that we aren’t aware of in circumstances where the crowed permits cutting….
cole mine–you are so correct! It’s funny to watch a bunch of 3 year-olds all standing in a line, learning the rules, censoring each other.
I am one of those people who chastize line-cutters, but only if I don’t have my kids with me (ya never know who’s carrying a weapon these days…)